Wednesday, March 18, 2009

'A' for effort, 'F' for credibility

These Nigerian spams are usually worth a chuckle, but this one is a laugh-a-minute extravaganza of ineptitude:

Anti-Terrorist and Monetary Crimes Division
Fbi Headquarters In Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001.
Date: 03/18/2009


This is an official advice from the fbi foreign Remittance / telegraphic dept.,
it has come to our notice that the Central Bank of Nigeria district has released
10,500,000.00 US dollars into bank of America in your name as the beneficiary by
inheritance means.

The Central Bank of Nigeria knowing fully well that they do not have Enough
facilities to effect this payment from the united kingdom to your account, used
what is known as a secret diplomatic transit payment (s.t.d.p) to pay this fund
through wire transfer, they used this means to complete the payment. They are
still waiting for confirmation from you on the already Transferred funds which
were made in direct transfer so that they can do final crediting to your
account. Secret diplomatic payments are not made unless the funds are related to
terrorist activities why must your payment be made in secret transfer, if your
transaction is legitimate, if you are not a terrorist, then why did you not
receive the money directly into your account; so this is a pure coded means of

Records which we have had with this method of payment in the past has always
been related to terrorist acts, we do not want you to get into trouble as soon
as these funds reflect in your account in the U.S.A, so it is our duty as a
world wide commission to correct this little problem before this fund will be
credited into your personal account.

Due to the increased difficulty and unnecessary security by the American
authorities when funds come from outside of Europe, and the Middle East, the FBI
bank commission for Europe has stopped the transfer on its way to deliver
payment of $10,500,000.00 to debit your reserve account and pay you through a
secured diplomatic transit account (s.d.t.a). We govern and oversee funds
transfer for the World Bank and the rest of the world.

We advice you to contact us immediately, as the funds have been Stopped and are
being held in our custody, until you can be able to provide us with a diplomatic
immunity seal of transfer (dist) within 3 days from the world local bank that
authorize the transfer from where the funds was transferred from to certify that
the funds that you are about to receive from CBN are antiterrorist/drug free or
we shall have cause to cross and impound the Payment, we shall release the funds
immediately we receive this legal documents.


We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper Verifications and
proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund,
because of the amount involve, we want to make sure that the money you are about
to receive is clean and legal . Be informed that the fund are now in United
State in your name, but right now we have ask the bank not to release the fund
to anybody that comes for it, unless we ask them to do so, because we have to
carry out our investigations first before releasing the fund to you. Note that
the fund is in the BANK OF AMERICA right now, but we have asked them not to
credit the fund to you yet, because we need a solid proof and Verifications from
you before releasing the funds.

So to this regards you are to re-assure and proof to us that what you are about
to receive is a clean money by sending to us (FBI) identification Record and
also Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) to satisfy to us that the money
your about to receive is legitimate and real money. You are to forward the
documents to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you don't have
it let us know so that we will direct and inform you where to obtain the
document and send to us so that we will ask the bank holding the funds, the Bank
Of America to go ahead Crediting your account immediately.

These Documents are to be issued to you from the World Local Bank that
Authorized the transfer, so get back to us immediately if you don't have the
document so that we will inform you the particular place to obtain the document,
because we have come to realize that the fund was Authorized by (H.S.B.C) Bank
in London.

An FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST.)
often referred to as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of
certain information taken from fingerprint submissions retained by the FBI in
connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment,
naturalization, or military service.

These Condition Is Valid until 30th of March 2009 after we shall take actions on
Canceling the payment and then charge you for illegally moving of funds out of

Guarantee: funds will be released on confirmation of the document.


Final Instruction;

1. Credit payment instruction: irrevocable credit guarantee.
2. Beneficiary has full power when validation is cleared.
3. Beneficiaries bank in U.S.A., can only release funds.
4. Upon confirmation from the world bank / united nations.
5. Bearers must clear bank protocol and validation request.


NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete
and up-to date records possible for the enhancement of public safety, welfare
and security of Society while recognizing the importance of individual privacy
rights. If you fail to provide the Documents to us, we will charge you with the
FBI and take our proper action against you for not proofing to us the legitimate
of the fund you are about to receive.

The United States Department of Justice Order 556-73 establishes rules and
regulations for the subject of an FBI Identification Record to obtain a copy of
his or her own Record for review. The FBI Criminal Justice Information Service
(CJIS) Division processes these requests to check illegal activities in U.S.A.

An individual may request a copy of his or her own FBI Identification Record for
personal review or to challenge information on the Record. Other reasons an
individual may request a copy of his or her own Identification Record may
include international adoption or to satisfy a requirement to live or work in a
foreign country or receive funds from another country, i.e. Diplomatic Immunity
Seal of Transfer, letter of good conduct, criminal history Background, etc.)

FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller, III

Absent all of the other mistakes, telling me that my new found money is safely awaiting me at the Bank of America?? LOL! I'd better get it out of there before the cabal of Dodd/Obama/Geithner find a way to tax 91% of it! Or, of course, before the bank collapses.